My Kinky Valentine!

Posted on by sxysadis Posted in Uncategorized

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner…

and it is a really great time to show the person you love how much you care for them and maybe even spark or renew your relationships romantic energy!
What if you have interests in exploring kink and would like to gently introduce your partner to it? I am going to go out on a limb here and say that the vast majority of people reading this blog entry will be men who are interested in finding ways to get their partners to be more dominant in the bedroom and if I knew the surefire secret or had a magic pill that would make that happen, trust me when I tell you I would be one very rich  ! But I do have a suggestion or two that you could try.Valentines

Times are a changing but many women in our society are still not comfortable taking the dominant role in the bedroom. Most of us have many, MANY years of male dominant household programming to overcome before we can feel comfortable taking charge of our own sexuality let alone yours. Perhaps this Valentine’s Day you can set the stage by showing her what’s in it for her and let her know you are serious about your desire to serve her!  Now, some of the following suggestions may not get your dick hard but remember that if you really want her to be your dominant then you must cater to her needs so that she may have the energy and interest in playing with yours.  Please keep in mind as you read these suggestions that every woman is an individual with her own specific likes, dislikes and tendancies. One size definitely does not fit all so proceed with caution and discretion.

Pamper her and treat her like the Supreme Goddess you wish her to be!

  • Do the house hold chores! Yes, I know doing house work is not generally sexy , but try doing those things that you know weigh her down (or those “honey-do-things” she has been nagging you to do forever) with out a complaint or an expectation of quid pro quo for a couple of weeks. Don’t expect her to fall all over herself running to put the boots and leather on immediately because she may initially wonder what you are up to especially if your don’t usually help her out like that.  I often see situations where the “submissive” withholds service because s/he doesn’t feel they are getting their needs met so they aren’t going to do what their partner asks out of spite, selfishness or general whiney butt-ness. But I feel that if you make your partner’s life better in ways you have not done before (and if she loves you) she will most likely want to reciprocate to the extent that she is comfortable. Also please try to remember that your fantasy dominant lives in your brain and will rarely look exactly like you picture it. You need to be open to letting her express her dominance in her own way and be willing to negotiate when your ideals do not align. Perhaps as time goes on as she grows more comfortable and experienced at expressing her dominance she will grow in ways you do enjoy more or you could make some polite requests (without topping from the bottom). Make sense?
  • Treat her to a spa day!  If you have absolutely no natural talent or training in massage I would suggest you spend the bucks and send her for a package at her favorite establishment but if you would like to try your hand at a more personal touch read on.  You might consider starting with drawing a bubble bath or one scented with exotic oils for her.  Soft music, rose petals and candle light can be a very nice touch.  Warming the towels and her robe in the dryer or on the radiator is also really nice!  Perhaps after the bath she might enjoy a massage. (A real massage focused on her pleasure, not an excuse to try to get her horny so you can get laid.  Remember to try to keep the focus on her for this evening.) You don’t have to be a professional masseuse to give a great massage.  There are a lot of great books and videos readily available these days but I will offer a few starter tips: Warm the oil or massage lotion before you apply it to her skin, Use enough so that your hands glide easily but not too greasily . You want to actually be able to massage the layers of muscle under the skin and too much oil makes that difficult because your hands slip and slide over the surface with out having much effect.  Listen to how she breathes and try to pay attention to her body language so that you can tell what she is experiencing.  Try not to get oil in her hair … most women hate that.  And please keep your dick and fluids to yourself unless she asks for it. <smile> Remember, this is about serving her needs for the moment.
  • Kinky Valentine Gift Basket Another way to gently introduce kink to your relationship might be to pull together a sweet little basket of non threatening “toys” that you can explore with together.  A nice mix of sensual and BDSM play toys could lead to a really delightful introduction. For example, silk scarves make great beginner bondage tools.  A sleep mask works wonderfully as a blindfold.  Tie her gently but securely to the bed and then lightly tease her for an excruciatingly long slow time.   Use some feathers and a variety of hair brushes with a range of soft to scratchier bristles. Rabbit or other silky soft fur is delightful. Believe it or not an electric toothbrush makes a great toy for teasing nipples and other delicate “neighborhoods”.  Just think in terms of items that can help you create a mix of sensations and take your time delighting all of his or her senses! Consider adding some taste sensations by dipping small strawberries or other delicious bits of fruit in chocolate or pudding and brushing their sweetness across both sets of her lips.  <smile>

More Kinky Valentine Suggestions:

Great Books for new Dominas:

Want to learn more about bondage?  Check out some of the following events in the local and nearby areas:

  • REConn (Rope Enthusiasts of CT) – A small group of rope bondage enthusiasts of all skill levels that meet every 4th Friday of the month at a private location in Tolland CT.  For more information email me directly: Mistress@SxySadist.com
  • NEEHU – New England Erotic Hypnosis Unconference – March 15 – 17 also a weekend long event occurring at a private location in Hartford that is a great place to learn about erotic applications of hypnosis.  For more information got to: http://nehg.info/NEEHU4
  • Bound in Boston – March 22 – 24 For those who are interested in taking their bondage skills to the next level there is a fabulous event that happens twice a year in Boston Mass.  This is a full weekend event that averages 300 attendees and is specifically geared for people interested in learning to do rope bondage safely.  For more info go to http://www.boundinboston.com

Shopping Suggestions:

  • JT’s Stockroom – One of my absolute favorite kink suppliers and they happen to be running a truly great Valentine’s Day sale right now. Definitely check them out!
  • Kink Academy – A really cool online resource with a great array of educational videos.