I absolutely LOVE The Body Electric School! It is really hard to put into words what the experience of a BE workshop is like, and how the work can affect you, since it lands differently for every person that attends. Also, every workshop is unique and the experience will vary so much depending on where you are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc at the time.
I first discovered Body Electric through a workshop at Black Rose (which is a kink convention in DC) that I attended at least 20 years ago, and all these years later – I have attended and assisted at more than 20 workshops and trainings and I still cannot say enough good things about them. And yet – it is still awkward and tricky to talk about with people. Upon returning from the Women’s CBE (Celebrating the Body Erotic) at Easton Mountain last Sunday I decided to join the “Ambassador Program” which helps train people to talk about the work. I am very excited about this and as part of my training I had to make a short video “telling my BE story”.
I am a bit embarrassed to admit to you publicly that this was far harder for me than it should be. I feel awkward and very nervous in front of a camera / video and it has been a huge stumbling block for me for a very long time. I completely forget what I wanted to say or I stutter through reading my “script” and make no eye contact with the camera. It is part of the reason (but not the entire reason) why I did not immediately jump into Zoom sessions when the pandemic hit. I find it harder to connect with people through the camera and most times in live sessions the connection, eye contact and shared breath is the juiciest part for me. š
Ok so – I was terrified to discover on day of of the course that I had to make this video talking about something so personal as my Body Electric experience. Their suggestion was to keep it to 2 mins and talk about what you felt. LOL That felt like “OK no big deal – you only have to jump the Grand Canyon in your first week of class and then we will go from there.” Yipes! But I also kind of believe that the Universe drops things in your path at particular times for a reason. Being in a safe environment like a BE workshop (even an online one) surrounded by remarkable caring people to support me – feels like it might be the right time to challenge this personal limitation and kick it’s ass. <grin> So – here I am – first one I scripted and tried reading and making eye contact – second one I did off the cuff while sitting in a parking lot waiting for my neighbor who was having eye surgery. š
I would VERY much like your considerate feedback on the videos (keeping in mind I was terrified and doing my best to challenge a fear please – lol) What do you like about the first / second compared to the other? What can I improve? Do either of them make you curious about learning more about Body Electric AND if you are curious – what questions might you ask to learn more? (Answering questions is our next assignment) <grin> Please put your questions and feedback on the videos in the box below or email email directly at Mistress@SxySadist.com
Hello Mistress,
I’m a newbie and hope I’m not overstepping my station. I go by Jack where kink is concerned and have been reading your newsletters for some time now. Thank you for your efforts, I’m learning more about kink and how I may fit in.
Mistress, I hope I am understanding the issue correctly. So here we go. It sounds as if you have “reservations” about public speaking.
Disclaimer, I am more than a few years out of practice with “speech”. I’ve taken only one college class back in the early 90s on the subject. At first, I was nervous as well. Happy to say, it was a great experience and I’m glad to have it under my belt. It has helped me a great deal. Will do my best to give only honest and constructive criticism of your videos.
So, I first watched and listened to both videos. Then closed my eyes and listened only. I’m not sure how you want it to ‘sound’, Formal vs informal. My first thought was this is meant to be more on the informal side as if you were in a room with a couple of people and the subject came up as opposed to standing in front of a class group lecturing on the topic.
Regardless, in the first video, you do need better eye contact with the camera which you are already aware of. Your emotions were closer in this one and your vocal inflections more even. About 2/3 of the way through it you started to sound, just a little like you were reading a cue card … not terrible just a bit stiff. Overall a ‘B-‘. Good first attempt.
The second video started strong and then your emotions began to nearly overwhelm you. I believe you said that you were feeling fear. There is nothing wrong with that. For me, as an audience member, it was not evident where the emotions were coming from not knowing a whole lot of your backstory. Don’t despair, I would still give it a solid ‘C’.
I was a soldier and often fall back to the basics. Think freeze, fight, or flight. Running from this isn’t going to help you conquer that demon (flight). Fear is a primal emotion and necessary. It’s what keeps people alive and cautious in dangerous times but when you enter a situation that is NOT life-threatening and you don’t know what to do, don’t have the experience, or both, it could make you freeze up. Not helpful.
So how do you attack this thing? You want to balance emotions with content, heartfelt is good and relays sincerity but when you are bearly keeping it together your audience may miss the message or a portion of it. Just an observation, you did not just lose your home in a tornado … I hope. That in fact would be a justification to your audience for your heavy emotional state. They need to understand where your emotions are coming from to sympathize or relate to you.
Think about setting in a familiar room with one or two people you are comfortable with and having an uninterrupted, ie a one-sided conversation, and talking about your positive experience. Your voice is excited, smooth, and carries a normal tempo. That’s the goal.
My tricks to accomplish this were simple. I never wrote speeches so that I could stand in front of a group and read to them. That’s a recipe for a stiff boring talk. They were just used to organize my thoughts or hand to the professor for a grade.
I wrote down talking points or bullet statements to keep me on track. I rehearsed enough in front of a mirror to know ‘in my head’ that I knew the material and the organization I wanted to use. I then put it down for an hour to a day. I periodically picked up the talking points and tried to do three perfect runs until I could. Incidentally, my goal was never to use the exact same combination of words each time. Once I knew the material well enough … a quick glance at the cards … I was recenter. Every time I practiced it WAS slightly different. That was my indication that I knew the material and was ready. It’s normal for people to tell lengthy stories slightly differently and keep the same basic meaning.
The last step is actually doing what you know how to do. This is where the training and experience you’ve gained in front of the mirror kick in. You know what you want to say and how you want to sound, so just do it … you’ve got this!
Remember to focus on breath control, a few deep breaths will help relieve stress before you begin. Take inventory of your muscles and relax them! Now clear your mind and do exactly what you have been doing in front of the mirror while reminding yourself you ‘CAN’.
Remain positive, if you are not 100 percent happy with the way you have just been speaking to the camera then do another until it sounds and feels like you are in that room with your two new friends. The camera will allow you to do 30 or more attempts and will never criticize you. It doesn’t care.
The big one, eye contact! When you’re talking to someone you know, what do you do with your eyes? Do you stare at one eye, look only at the bridge of their nose, or do you look from one eye to the other to read them? Try putting two paper eyes on the camera at about 9 and 3 around the center of the lens. Then treat the camera as a person who happens to be a great listener. You will be looking at the camera but moving your eyes just enough to keep from staring at one point and giving the effect of your eyes being ‘dead’.
Last, as an outsider, tell me more about what The Body Electric is and then go into how it has been helping you. Sum up what I should know if I start with little to no foreknowledge of this group.
I’m sure there is an ‘A’ waiting for you in your future. Have a great evening, Mistress.
Sincerely,
Jack Swan
Wow – thank you Jack. I appreciate you taking my request to heart and giving me so much of your time and attention. It probably would have been helpful had I mentioned we were supposed to keep the video to about 2 mins and both times I ran nearly 3 but 2 mins felt too rushed. As for the emotions – well Body Electric definitely brings that out in me. The workshops are a beautiful, spiritual and erotic journey and can put you in a wonderfully vulnerable state and yet allow you to feel held and safe at the same time. So yeah I definitely can get emotional talking about them. š I will look closely at your suggestions and see if I get better with more practice. Thank you again. – Mz Suzanne
Happy to have been able to provide a possible path for your next video experience. In the meantime, keep up the great work. I’m looking forward to your next posting that pushes the edge in the CBT / BB arena. Have a great morning, Mistress.
Much respect,
Jack Swan