So I feel like I have been doing a fair bit of complaining about all the financial stress, drama and anxiety that I’ve been dealing with since March. I mean, yeah, it feels like that was a lot more crap than usual on my plate this year. So I appreciate everyone who has been letting me dump about it here and in-person. I definitely think sharing about this very emotionally tough year helps more than bottling it up.

But this week in particular. I have been catching my breath a bit and attempting to move past the BS stresses that have hit… like the new fence, roof and bedroom leaks, multiple big ticket car repairs, the unwanted yard pests, hefty vet bills, injuries, physical therapy and sooo freaking many more because even though I felt a bit beat up with so much hitting in so short a time, the truth is I handled all of that (with help from my Brett and some wonderful friends) and kept on going, so I do not need to look back on it anymore and I am grateful the worst seems to be behind me! 🙂

As for the anxiety about things I have little or no control over, like situations with my ex, my godchild, my dad, my brother and sister… I am trying to get better at taking a deep breath (sometimes lots of them) and remember that worrying about stuff never makes it better and that all I can do is what I am actually able to do – and that is going to have to be enough for now. Definitely easier said than done. I am absolutely an type-A personality and usually feel like I have to jump in and fix all kinds of shit, all while planning and preparing for every possible (and usually imagined) worst case scenario. In short, regarding peace of mind and joyful spirit, I can be my own worst enemy. I just so hate to see people I care for in pain but I also know that pain can be a catalyst for change and until a person realizes they need that help, they will probably not really appreciate it. <deep breath>

But back to gratitude. I was really struck this week by how much , more often than not, I LOVE doing what I do. I have met so many wonderful people over the years and I am so glad that they trusted me with their fantasies, fears and struggles .I truly love really connecting with people in the heat of the moment and being there with them during the pain, catharsis, ecstasy or bliss – whatever comes up as we dance in the moment together – can be delicious, intimate and truly magical.

I think one of the things I am forever blown away by is when people give me feedback telling me that the experience we shared together was “life changing” or that they felt safe and “seen” or that it was the first time they were able to try something they had been fantasizing about all their lives or share a side of them they had been secretly ashamed of and finally feel accepted for it.

Generally, I am not able to talk freely with most people about what I do, they would simply never understand or see the value in it, but when I get that sort of feedback it truly helps me feel more whole inside. It reminds me that what I do matters to a lot of people and that it can be healing, and rejuvenating, and beautiful and that it truly is important work. I cannot tell you how much that means to me and how much I need to hear it. Thank you all deeply from the bottom of my heart.

I am grateful and thankful for you all and wish you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving.