Wow. OK not terribly enlightening but it was definitely the first word that bubbled to the surface when reflecting on this amazing weekend. Fifteen amazingly courageous women joined myself and three more assistants as we were all led by Alex Jade (also female bodied) on a journey of discovering what power & surrender are and where each lives in our bodies, and how we can safely play with our shadows and so much more. We used verbal sharing and experiential exercises, individually and in partnered pairs, triads and even as an entire group to explore these energetic dynamics within ourselves or perhaps try on new roles and aspects of our personalities for the first time. It is truly transformational work for some and for others it is like coming home at last.
It is always an honor for me to assist at Body Electric events and although I have assisted enough times at the “Celebrating the Body Erotic” event that I pretty much know what comes next all the time and can anticipate what will be needed and when as far as supplies and set ups, this was my first time assisting at a “PSI” so I felt a little bit on edge wanting to make sure I was available to help things run as smoothly as possible. I had in fact been appointed as the official “Supply Diva” by Alex and my fellow assistants at the CBE’s in the past because I seem to have a knack for dropping into my masculine sense of focus and organization at these events.
It is an interesting dual channelled head space for me because I am coming from a truly open hearted desire to “serve the circle” and make sure that everything is where it needs to be and available when they need it so that the miraculous and magical transformations and healing and awakenings that occur at the events can happen without any drag and drama and hiccups that come with sloppiness, disorganization and chaos. At the same time that is a fairly dominant, and very control oriented space for me because I naturally feel I know best about practically everything at that point and find myself resisting the urge to micro manage absolutely everything! So I run around and prepare and plan and arrange, check everything twice and then do my best to step back and surrender to the moment, trusting that what ever most needs to be.. will be.
But I am still fascinated by how the dominant and submissive energies can both be present in me at the same time and how difficult that bit of surrender can still be. I think I tend to notice these sort of subtleties more on these weekends because we spend so much time “checking in: with ourselves, listening to our internal voices and our bodies. I truly love these workshops because I have always felt that you can be completely “real” at them. Everything you are is welcome here and I love being able to be seen (and appreciated) for who I really am and be able to express what I am REALLY feeling without have to wonder if it is appropriate or not.
It is also wonderful for me to see so many beautiful and wonderful women that I have had connections with in the past as well as meeting new people with whom I have formed new connections and wonderful memories. I am resisting the urge to shout out to some of them here but one of our cardinal rules at BE is confidentiality. Who you see here, what you hear here, stays here etc. so no specifics but they know who there are and that I love them. If any of you are reading this blog let me just say:
“Thank you. Thank you all so much for sharing so much with me, for letting me bear witness to your beauty, strength, vulnerability, power, frailties, confusion, determination, power, courage, sorrow, fury, wisdom, ecstasy, and so much more, and for letting me share so much of me with you all. I would sing all of your praises and shout them from the rooftops but I am still feeling just a little bit hoarse at the moment. 😉 I hope our paths cross again sometime soon.
Love Suze”
