Many men are drawn to anal play for a variety of reasons and unfortunately there is often a great deal of shame and humiliation associated with asking for and receiving touch in this area of the body.  Quite often I have found that straight men, in particular, are ashamed to discuss these desires with anyone and fear that these desires may mean they are gay. Women can also have issues with embarrassment and shame about anal play but I think they more often stem from the messiness associated with it.

My training through The Body Electric School has helped me to understand how much healing and transformation can be accomplished when this area of the body is approached with respect, care, and playfulness. I hope you are able to use this information in the spirit in which it is intended.

Intention – The way that I refer to intention, is the reason for, the purpose of, or desires you wish to attain thru your actions or experience. Setting and intention for the massage or love making ritual can elevate the experience for both parties from being one of purely physical delight into the realm of the deeply spiritual, or sacred. You can set an intention together or you can have separate but compatible intentions. Whatever intention you choose is valid and good as long as it comes from a loving place in your heart.  For me, this work is most fulfilling when I approach it with an intention of healing shamanism or devotional worship.

As a healer, my desire is to help make my partner (and thereby myself,) feel more whole. This can take many forms and is truly a worthy goal since so many of us are broken and damaged in the area of our sexuality. I have also found deep gratification in opening people’s eyes even a little to some of the possibilities of sacred sexual exploration. Witnessing a man having his first full body orgasm or teaching him how to peak over and over again until his entire being is alive with pleasure is an honour and a privilege for me and one that I feel qualifies as shamanic work. As for devotional worship, I feel that by totally honouring the divine in another human being is the way that I best serve my Divine Guidance.

Presence – To be fully present and connected with someone while deeply in the moment, to me is one of the greatest gifts one person can offer to another. If the giver is not fully present the receiver will absolutely “feel” it.  This means staying focused, connected and attuned to your partner, while not getting caught up in your own head and doing your best to eliminate outside distractions. This can be understandably challenging since our minds are often used to wandering off or to fantasy land, real life concerns, and issues or countless other distractions. If you do find your mind wandering, gently bring it back to the moment and refocus your attention and energy onto your partner and the moment you are sharing.  When I am giving massage work I also try to keep the receiver present as well, rather than let them zone out or drift away.  I find it can be a wonderful experience to stay connected and attuned to what is going on in his or her body, physically, spiritually & emotionally.   This can be especially helpful when trying to help men learn to delay ejaculation and explore greater heights of pleasure and eroticism.

Preparation – It can be quite helpful and appropriate to make a few preparations before you begin so that you can both get the most from the encounter:

Preparing safe space – Preferably you should choose a warm, quiet, private space without interruptions. If possible, try to be sure you have the place to yourself or try to arrange it so that others in the house will not be disruptive. Turn off the phones. The person receiving the massage will be far more sensitive to temperature than you are, so try to be sure they are warm enough.  Use a sheet or towel to drape parts of the body you are not massaging if necessary.

Music, candles & more – I find that decorating or preparing the space you will be in adds tremendously to the experience and honors you both. A few extra touches can lend an amazing sense of sacredness to the occasion. Candlelight, mild incense, essential oils with healing properties, flowers or an altar of items special to you are just a few of those touches. Choosing the right music or background sound can greatly enhance the experience.  Avoid loud, crashy beats. Most song lyrics have a way of pulling a person out of their body to an extent by keeping their mind engaged or distracted. There is a vast array of new age or meditative style music that can enhance the mood tremendously. Experiment with a few until you find what suits you both best.

Massage surface– Of course a massage table is an ideal surface and worth the investment if massage work is something you intend to enjoy & explore a lot. However, many people find that working on a bed or a well padded carpeted floor works adequately well also. (Be sure to use a towel, chuck or old sheet to protect your surface if desired.) It is very important for the giver to be aware of their body mechanics to avoid back strain and muscle fatigue. Back jacks can help for floor work. If you are uncomfortable or not enjoying giving the massage, the receiver will sense that and not relax or be able to enjoy it fully. Basically, if you aren’t both going to be able to really enjoy it, don’t do it.

Preparing your partner – Your partner (giver or receiver) may or may not be in the mood for a massage at any given moment. You can only offer an invitation but do not take it personally if you are declined. It is also helpful and wise to be clear in your intention when making the offer and negotiate what will and will not take place to avoid misunderstandings. Open, honest communication is always a good idea. If you both do wish to proceed it can be very helpful to take the time to shower or bathe and perform an enema before you begin. Working on fresh bodies is usually far more pleasant for the giver and for those of us that are a bit skittish about invasive procedures that involve hygiene; it can help the receiver to relax more easily if they know they are as clean there as possible. You can make the enema part of the scene or not depending on what will best serve both parties involved.

Conscious Breathwork – I cannot possibly stress enough how helpful and transformative conscious breathing techniques can be in this and many other sexual and BDSM related activities.  Breathing slowly and deeply into the body, all the way down to the pelvic floor can be wonderfully calming and will help the anus and surrounding tissues relax as well.  (Get your head in your ass and kiss the earth) A faster paced “charging breath” can be more invigorating and can build energy. Consciously shifting the breathing patterns can help delay orgasm and prevent ejaculation.  (Also use those PC muscles boys!)

Using breath mindfully can also help the body to process strong sensation and keep you both focused, connected and in the present moment.  It is also possible to experience “breath orgasms” by using techniques such as the “Big Draw”. (Remember: charge with energy using breath, deep breath in: sigh, hiss, roar, then clench everything and hold until you can’t hold one moment more. Then just let it all go.)

Other Equipment to gather –

Massage oil, cream, etc – If you are only doing a light body massage as part of the warm up then you may not want to go all out using a “messy” medium. You can give a nice “wake up” massage simply using light to medium dry strokes. But, if your intention includes deep relaxation in the body you may wish to use oil or massage cream or lotion of some kind. Many places now carry a variety of prepared massage oils & lotions, some of which are even scented with various fragrances which can have an additionally soothing effect on the body but please be sure that the scent agrees with your partner. You can also use plain coconut or almond oil for example and keep it unscented or add your own essential oils or fragrance. Oil is very typically used but has a tendency to stain sheets and clothing and may leave your partner feeling greasy.  You can also use a lotion or cream of some kind that will help the strokes glide but will also absorb into the skin. Another option as a massage medium is cornstarch which has a deliciously silky and nurturing feel to it.

For the anal work itself – You should also be aware that most oils will damage or destroy latex condoms which will make them useless or at least less reliable as protection.  Many people like to use water based lubricants. My preferred medium for the genitals (male or female) is Eros Glide or similar silicone based lubricants. It is latex friendly, stays silky a very long time and has little or no taste. Warming the lube is a really nice touch.

Gloves – Make sure to use properly sized gloves for the giver’s hands. Leave a small cuff for easy removal and pull one off carefully inside the other to prevent spatter or contamination.

Condoms – to use on lube bottle & “insertables”

Paper towels or “chucks” – to place soiled items on and for clean up

Saran wrap – for analingus or rimming if desired (oral/anal sex)

Sex Toys – My favorites are the cordless Accuvibe, the HHitachi Magic Wand and the Natural Contours Ultime (blue curved insertable). Using external vibration at the perineum can feel really wonderful.

Body Massage Strokes – You do not have to be a professionally trained massage therapist to give a great massage!

Initial contact with the body – should be slow, gentle and deliberate and will set the tone for the entire massage.

Rocking the body – gently rocking the body from side to side can be a deeply relaxing sensation and a wonderful way to begin to get them to settle in.
Effleurage – use light to moderate all over grounding & connecting touch to wake up or soothe your partner’s body. Long strokes that extend the entire length of the body are especially nice. Step with the stroke, do not overreach or you lose the effectiveness.
Deeper Tissue work – if you encounter extremely tight muscles it can be appropriate to work them more deliberately but be sure to go in deeper gradually. Do not mash the muscles into masochism, stroke and seduce them into submission.  Deep tissue does not have to hurt!

Ass (Glutes) Massage –just a few examples, use your imagination!
Please remember to “Follow the resilient edge of resistance” Don’t go too deep & not too light.

Petrissage – kneading, grabbing and moving the flesh of the ass around but without sharp pinching.
Vibration & tremors – very fast light to moderate pressure using fingertips, the heel of the hand & fist.
Deeper tissue work – again as above, deep but never to the point of pain or it is self-defeating to relaxation.
Forearm press & glides – just as it sounds across broad surfaces, be careful not to dig too deep with the elbow

Anal (Anus) Contact – Do not rush into penetration, go gently & slowly

Pre-lube strokes – can be done gently without lube
Rock around the clock stretch –stretch gently all around the perimeter
Directional stretch – wake up stretch horizontal and vertical
Fist & Palm tremors & vibrations – light to moderate pressure

Post Lube Strokes – apply your favorite lubricant liberally
Glides – gently gliding fingers or side of the hand across the anus
Gliding vibrations – warming combination stroke
Spider Fingers – wiggle & stroke fingers separately in the “ass crack”
Tease the rosebud –  must be very relaxed and well lubed or it will be irritating rather than pleasurable.

Internal Work – only when the anus begins to relax should you attempt any sort of penetration and only then with a LOT of lube. Ask them to “breathe” your finger in slowly.

More gentle stretches – to help open & loosen the external and internal sphincters
Prostate Holding – locate the prostate and place one or two fingers on it and simply hold them there as the receiver breathes into the sensation. This can be a very nurturing touch
(Please note that prostate work, like G-spot work, can release trapped emotions in the body. Stay fully present and be supportive)
Circular strokes – rotate in a clockwise direction around one or both lobes of the prostate gently but firmly for several minutes, then reverse direction and rotate the other direction.
Milking stroke – stroke downward as if you were motioning “come here” with your fingers
Thumb in / fingers stroking the root of the cock – slide the thumb into the anus and then allow the fingers to separate to either side of the testicles while stroking the internal root of the cock.

Resources for more Information –

Schools & Instructors
A dedication – To Erik “Chester” Mainard – One of the most gifted healers to ever grace the planet and the man that me to: “Get my head in my ass & Breath!”  Many thanks & God Bless you Chester. You are so missed!
Paul Barber – Toronto-based body worker, sacred intimate, life coach and a very supportive friend.  Thanks for all your help & guidance Paul!   www.torontobodyworker.com
The Body Electric School – Taught me so much & opened my eyes to even more.  www.bodyelectric.org
The New School of Erotic Touch – Great video selections and other resources www.eroticmassage.com

Books & Videos
Anal Pleasure & Health – by Jack Morin
Uranus: Self Anal Massage for Men – DVD available through my website at www.sxysadist.com
Anal Massage for Relaxation and Pleasure (Volume 1) -DVD available through my website at www.sxysadist.com
Anal Massage For Lover (Volume 2) – DVD available through my website at www.sxysadist.com

If you have any questions on this presentation or would like to book a private consultation please feel free to contact me directly by email at:  Mistress@SxySadist.com

This handout took me quite some time, effort and love to prepare. Please do not duplicate, copy, repost or otherwise “rip it off” without my permission. Thanks!    

Download a PDF of this Class Handout here

Copyright SMAntics 2017 / All rights reserved / Suzanne SxySadist Email: Mistress@SxySadist.com