Teasing and denial, as well as enforced orgasm control and male chastity, are a very popular kinks. So what’s the draw? Why do so many men (and women) crave playing with Tease and Denial?

In my experience as a professional dominatrix, as well as in my personal life with my boyfriend slave, I’ve learned a lot about this particular kink and thought I’d share my experience with you, my dear reader.

Like most fetishes and kinks, understanding the hows and whys of it all is very important for enjoyable play. Very few kinks can be just taken at face value. They all have a depth and breadth to them that beg exploration and understanding. I hope this post will become a good reference and place to start for your tease and denial play!

My personal kink for rope is a prime example. Tied or be tied? Nylon or hemp? Thin, bitey, sadistic rope or soft silk? What do you want to get from it? Sex? Helplessness? Meditation, or to come to terms with some deep psychological need? I could go on all day!

The bottom line is knowledge in any type of sexual play is all empowering!

Some possible “whys”.

The following are just a few of the many reasons people find chastity and teasing and denial thrilling.

Power and Control.

Believe me. If you control his cock, you have his full and complete attention!

All cliches start somewhere, and the cliche that men think with their dicks when it comes to women, has a basis in truth for most men.

Control – Many men freely admit that it is the pursuit of sex with a woman that thrills them most. It really is a primal thing. Once they’ve made their conquest, their interest wanes. Now imagine that, like a carrot on a stick, you hold that conquest just out of reach for a very, very long time. And even after you allow him to catch it once and a while, you make it clear it was you who allowed him the carrot and it might be a long time before you allow him another one. You are in essence, renewing and prolonging his primal need for conquest over and over again, thereby keeping his interest in you (and desire for you) alive.

An anonymous hot story my live-in servant/slave shared with me points out that in this aroused state, men become essentially entranced and hypnotized. You can essentially brain-wash him. Really. Tell him to think about your body all day long. Tell him to imagine worshiping your pussy or feet or ass and to think up new ways to serve you.

You don’t have to always give him orders. As any dominant female will tell you, it can get tiresome thinking up new games all the time.

In this lusty, helpless state of mind, he becomes most agreeable and ready to volunteer the ideas himself! Simply tell him that you’d like to be impressed and ask him what he can do to satisfy you. From his own free will, he will commit himself to more suffering, denial, servitude, and demonstrations of love than you might have ever asked of him. Of course, once he comes back to his senses after you’ve returned him to his cock cage, he may regret the promises he made and the new standards you are now going to hold him too. But for me at least, a slave’s voluntary participation in his submission is infinitely more meaningful and heartfelt than simply obeying your orders.

Humiliation.

Trust me when I say that in the realm of sex, few things are is more thrilling or empowering for a woman than listening to a big strong male beg for release! He’ll tell you almost anything you want to hear from him if you’ll just consider permitting him to cum! So why not put that to the test? What WILL he do for you if you promise to stroke him a just a little longer this time?

Sadism.

It can be delightfully cruel and satisfying to snatch him back from the brink of orgasm over & over again and then tell him something like “I will let you cum IF you take 6 more strokes of the cane for me! Will you do that?”

Tell him about some tortures that lie in his future and that you are going to inflict upon him. Make him decide between two truly evil options… It’s fun to give your slave choices!

Or how about just because deep down inside, he craves it!

All fun and games aside, male orgasm control and denial has many ‘real-world’ benefits as well.

It is a fact that testosterone levels drop in older men, resulting in a lower sex drive and often some, eh-hem, shall we say “performance issues”, but using orgasm denial, you can influence that. Studies show that without orgasm a mans’ testosterone levels increase. Sadly, it will peak within a week or two, but the increase in testosterone, and the resulting sexual desire, will remain elevated until the next orgasm.

It can also be used to help men learn more self-control and aid in fixing premature ejaculation issues.

If you are a woo-woo chick like me, with abstinence, erotic energy can be channeled into other creative or more holistic endeavors.

It builds energetic intensity & desire – the longer you build, the more intense it will be if, and when he finally permitted to blow.

Also, if you send them home horny & thinking about you, it can prolong the desire & keep you in the forefront of their mind.

Playing with Chastity

Psychological chastity – The “honor system” or simply tell them “hands off” works for some for awhile but not for others. Especially if they lack self-control, devotion to you, or dedication to the task. Edging falls into this category as well. Edging is permitting him to stroke all he wants, or you stroking him all you want, but never allowing him over the ‘edge’ into orgasm!

Another amazing form of psychological chastity is through the use of hypnosis. You can record your hypnosis routine and insist he listen to it as he falls asleep each night to reinforce your training. Once he is in a trance, tell him whenever he feels close to orgasm, he will feel his hand being pulled away from his cock and that he cannot achieve orgasm without hearing you saying a certain word permitting it…

(Before you write me long rants about this one, understand that hypnosis is neither a unwilling or permanent thing. If he simply stops listening to your tape, over time the hypnotic suggestion fades and he will be able to orgasm normally again.)

Enforced chastity – helping to ensure compliance can take many forms. This is where male cock cages and belts come in. But more extreme examples can include; chemical castration such as with the use of the birth control drug Depo-Provera, which leads to a decreased sexual potency in men.

Permanent surgical means – which involves removal of the testes. Or even a penectomy, complete removal of the penis. Threatening him with either can be immense fun when you have him helplessly bound, but in reality? Not my idea of fun. To each their own right?

Mechanical Devices (Cock cages and Belts) – Some of my favorite cages run the likes the classic P4, P5 and P6 from Oxy-shop. For long distance play, a tamper proof plastic numbered tag can replace a padlock so the wearer can remove it in the case of an emergency, but his key holder will certainly know. Or for the more geeky female dominant, the Cellmate by QIUI is a Bluetooth enabled cock cage that can be opened or locked remotely. Dreamlover Labs’ male training device is another remarkable use of technology for the female dominants’ use in denying her male.

Rings w/teeth – For the more sadistic/masochistic partners, nothing beats devices like the Kali’s Teeth or Cock on a leash, ClubFem’s MCD, or my very own namesake the “SxySadist Toothed Ring” by Dungeon Delights . All are excellent for shorter term play.

Full male chastity belts – like Access Denied

Others – Handcuff, and Tube Style, with or without piercing attachment http://www.chastitytube.com

My pets’ personal favorite – Evotion . Of course you’ll need to pierce your male’s cock for these. And who would be that cruel? (heh heh heh…)

Please note that some are more suitable than others for long-term wear.  There always seems to be a quest for the perfect balance of in-escape-ability & long term comfort. Not to mention that mens’ cocks come in a variety of sizes and thicknesses, so your mileage may vary with any of these devices.  The best website for chastity research and stories has long been held to be Altarboy’s Chastity Site.